On Thursday, May 28th, 2020, cafemom.com published an excerpt from Diana Register’s book, Grief Life where she talks about letting her fifteen-year-old daughter get a tattoo.
The Post
The article is titled “I Let My 15-Year-Old Girl Get a Tattoo & I Don’t Regret It One Bit.” Register sets her tone directly. Some cultures, she says, view tattoos as a rite of passage, but for her, “the problem nowadays is anybody can walk into a tattoo parlor anywhere and get whatever fancies them at the time, which is great — until the meaning behind it loses its relevance.” (1)
What makes her daughter’s tattoo different is that it’s a memorial tattoo. Register’s daughter, Kaitlyn, was 13 years old when her father passed away from cancer. She was with him in the room when he died. (1)
Memorial Tattoos
Memorial tattoos have been around since the Civil War, says Frazer Consultants, who bill themselves as “setting new standards for personalization and memorialization in the death care profession.” Soldiers would get tattoos to honor fallen comrades. Furthermore, a soldier’s tattoos could be used to identify the body after death. The tattoo Kaitlyn Register wanted was similar in idea. It was the same ‘pattern’ as the one her older sister Savanna had gotten: “I IV IX”–”1 4 9” written in roman numerals. This number was their father’s police badge number. Those Civil War soldiers tattooed themselves with numbers that functioned as both a memorial and an identification. Now, the Register girls carried on this tradition, with their tattoo being both a metaphorical symbol of their father, and his physical identifier in life. (1, 2)
Other Forms Of Memorial Tattoos
A Canadian paper, the National Post, released an article in 2013 about an “underground” tattooing practice. This trend, which apparently started taking root in 2008, was to use the ashes of a deceased person in the ink of a tattoo. Professor John Troyer, of the United Kingdom’s Bath University, says that “putting some cremated remains in tattoo ink, it’s a pinch. You’re not dumping the urn in the ink.” But the cosmetics branch of Health Canada made a statement that because of “the composition of the ashes being unknown and the potential for adverse reactions, Health Canada does not recommend this type of tattooing practice.” However, one tattoo artist interviewed says he has about ten people a year ask his shop if they will do these ash tattoos. (3)
A Personal Note
I have one tattoo myself. It’s a memorial tattoo. So, I can understand why Diana Register ultimately felt letting her daughter get it was the right decision. In fact, I think she made three smart choices, choices that I also used to inform my tattoo.
- They didn’t do it right away. She let them both have some time to heal. That first year after the loss of a loved one is full of turbulent emotions.
- It’s in a less-prominent locale. Her daughters both have their tattoos in the foot area, and mine is on my back. You can see it when you want, but it’s not an inescapable reminder of loss.
- It’s not a name. Not that there’s necessarily anything wrong with a name, but our culture has a connotation of name tattoos=ex-partner. These tattoos are less obvious, so you can explain what it means when and if you’re ready. (1)
