One thing everyone who’s married or in a long-term committed relationship knows for sure is that daily habits make a difference! Enjoying life together isn’t really about the once in a lifetime adventures that are here today and gone tomorrow- the biggest ways you express your love and support for each other are hidden in your regular, daily lives.
For some couples, this means committing to a date night every week (minus the kids!), for others, it’s showing appreciation by tidying up the house for your partner. Other couples like to send each other mini love letters sneaked into lunch boxes or flowers to say “welcome home”. However you do it, it’s so crucial to show your partner you care every day- even in small ways.
Otherwise, before you know it, a once passionate and exciting relationship can fizzle out. Relationships take effort and commitment (from the both of you), so try asking yourself every few weeks how you’ve gone out of your way to keep your love strong. One of the best habits you can start is with your words…
The Two Questions You Should Ask Your Partner Every Day
Kristen Manieri, writer, mom, and happily married for 13 years, shared how she and her husband put a simple ritual into practice to strengthen their relationship:
“So we’ve started the practice of meeting once a week for tea (wine or seltzer works just as well, if that’s your fancy). And rather than let the day’s headlines or our endless checklist guide our conversation (i.e. Did you call the roofer? Should I book the flight before it gets too expensive? Are you going to call the bank about those extra fees?), we anchor our interlude in two questions that have completely changed how we spend those 30 minutes together: “What would you like to be acknowledged for?” and “What would you like me to know about your life?“
Kristen explains the reason these particular questions really work to help two people connect (in spite of the contained chaos most partners would call life) is because you can’t give a quick, thoughtless answer like “I’m fine” or “My day was good, how was yours?”. Instead, the specifity forces you to stop and reflect about your answer and have a more meaningful conversation.
Put Your Love Language Into Practice
The simple practice is useful for any couple, but it’s especially important if one or both partners know that Quality Time or Words of Affirmation are high priorities for their personal love language.
For those who aren’t familiar with the 5 Love Languages, they are the 5 most prominent ways a person gives or receives love according to their personality. This includes romantic love and other kinds of love as well. The 5 love languages are:
- Quality Time
- Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Words of Affirmation
- Physical Affection
You can have more than one prominent love language, and you can even have different ones for giving and receiving. To find out what yours are, you can take this test or read Gary Chapman’s fascinating book on the subject. (Available at Amazon)
The Bottom Line
These two questions are really about committing to a habit that helps you and your partner show each other you care in small ways every day. As Kirsten sums up:
“It all boils down to this: I matter. You matter. And even if we experience feeling truly significant nowhere else in the world but in the company of our spouse, the practice of being seen and known (even just by one single person) can be everything.”
