Being a parent is no easy task. We can all agree, whether you have children or not, that parenting requires sacrifice, time, effort, and countless mistakes to raise children that will grow up to be good citizens of this world.

Part of that responsibility is the disciplinary actions that parents need to take towards their children when they’re misbehaving. There’s certainly no formula to follow, but there is one thing we shouldn’t do, and that is to yell at our kids. Here are some reasons why that is not the best course of action.

Reasons Why Yelling at Your Children Won’t Work

1. Yelling Makes Them Fear You

As a parent, you have to remember that you and your children are not against each other. You want them to respect you, but yelling is only going to move that idea farther away. Instead, your child might end up being so fearful of you that they’re reluctant to talk to you when they need your help or admit when they had done something wrong in fear that you would verbally scold them. Instead, use a firm, but soft tone to give behavior directions. Michelle LaRowe, the author of A Mom’s Ultimate Book of Lists, says, “When you speak in a calm but firm, soft voice, children have to work to listen—and they almost always do.”

2. Trusting You in The Future Will Be Difficult for Them

Your children can’t rest in your love and confide in you when all they’ve known is to be scared of you, especially if their slightest mistakes and misbehaviors in the past have always produced a negative reaction from you. Then, it becomes difficult for them to share their most vulnerable self and be open to their parents in desperate times. What may happen instead is that they turn to their friends and other people for guidance, which may or may not be the decision. As their parent, it’s not your intention to make your children feel distant from you, but yelling can certainly do that. So, when your child misbehaves, focus on addressing the specific behavior and take that opportunity to patiently explain why their action was wrong – do not resort to yelling.

3. Yelling Won’t Get Your Message Across Anyway

When you’re yelling at your child, they’re most focused on you yelling than they are at what you’re saying. All they can see in front of them is a furious mom or dad, not a parent who is trying to teach them from turning a wrong action to a right. So, when you have the urge to yell at your kids, take a deep breath. LaRowe says, “Take a time-out. If you’re worked up, you’re only going to work up your child. Before addressing your child, take a deep breath and think through what you’re going to say, calmly.” When that happens, your kids are more inclined to hear you out and listen attentively to what you have to say to them.

Long-term Effects of Yelling on Their Emotional and Mental Health

You may consider yelling at your children as an impulse reaction that will eventually be forgotten once the tension subsides, but that’s false thinking. Instead, it can actually have a lasting effect on them as they grow into adults. Here are some things you need to know.

1. Yelling Increases Misbehavior

Your intention to yell may be to instill fear in your children so that their bad behavior won’t happen again. Well, we’re here to tell you that it may do the opposite and further encourage it in the long-run. According to a 2016 study on parent-child relationships, 13-year old kids whose parents used harsh verbal discipline were found to increase in adolescent misconduct. That means, your yelling is only making their behavior worse, and that negatively affects their character as they grow up.

2. Yelling Can Lead to Depression

It may sound scary for a parent to hear that their disciplinary tactic can contribute or lead to the possibility that their child may suffer from depression in the future, but it’s true. In the same 2016 study on parent-child relationships, they found that teenagers who were yelled by their parents at a young age showed symptoms of depression.

So, when you yell at your child, not only is it making them feel hurt and scared, but it can lead to long-term psychological issues. Even worse, it may develop into self-destructive actions, like drug-use or an increase in risky sexual activity. No parent wants their child to go through such trouble so at an early, practice proper disciplinary tactics and avoid yelling at your children even when you’re being provoked to do so.

3. Yelling Can Cause Chronic Pain

One recent study found a link among people who experienced some abuse, including verbal, at a young age and later developed chronic conditions in their adult life. Some of these conditions included arthritis, bad headaches, back and neck problems, and other chronic pain.

So, if you find yourself building a habit of yelling at your children when they misbehave, remember that doing so can lead to repercussions that they have to deal with later in life.

Conclusion

If you’re a parent reading this article, remember that you have an amazing yet difficult responsibility to raise good children. While you may sometimes think you can do better, know that you are doing a phenomenal job at sacrificially caring for others outside of yourself.

With that said, try your best to look for alternative ways to resolve a situation with your child without raising your voice. The article above highlights that yelling is a lose-lose situation for you and your child. After all, your intention is not to hurt them emotionally but to teach them the best way you know how. To help you better, check out the list of things you should never say to your children.