The Death of a Sibling

Losing a sibling as a teen or adult is often unexpected. The death of a sibling is its own type of grief, and there are fewer resources on mourning a sibling than there are on other types of losses. (1)

Depending on your relationship with your brother or sister, the grieving process might feel more complicated. Our relationships with our siblings are complex. While growing up, we can be each other’s first friends and first enemies. We can act as a support system, but we also compete with each other. And while we may feel immense pride for our siblings’ accomplishments, we may also compare ourselves to them. (2)

The death of a sibling can feel like losing a part of yourself because, no matter how different your personalities are, you’ve shared many of the same experiences. You grew up in the same family system, ate dinner around the same table, and went on the same vacations. Our family dynamics can help determine much of our adult lives. No one understands those dynamics better than your siblings.

If you have experienced the death of a sibling, I am so sorry for your loss. Here are five ways to help yourself heal after the loss of a brother or sister.

5 Ways to Heal after Losing a Brother or Sister

1. Be Honest About Your Relationship with Your Sibling

After losing a sibling, you may feel pressured to sugarcoat your relationship with them. But sibling relationships are complex and multifaceted. Whether you were close with your sibling or rarely talked to them, allow yourself to acknowledge all sides of your relationship. Honesty will help you move through the stages of grief.

2. Recognize That Your Grief Is Important

There are significantly fewer resources on coping with the death of a sibling than there are on other types of losses. But this lack of resources is not indicative of how important your grief is. Losing a brother or sister is a terrible blow, and you may need significant time and support in order to mourn. (2, 3)

3. Be Patient with Yourself

You may have some unexpected responses to your grief. Know that there is no right way to mourn. Be patient with yourself and accept the way that you need to grieve. (2)

If you have surviving siblings or parents, they will also need to grieve in their own individual ways. Be patient and honest with each other so you can best support each other as you mourn. (2)

4. Continue to Acknowledge Your Sibling at Family Gatherings

Holidays and celebrations will feel different without your brother or sister present. But if your family wants, each gathering can be an opportunity to celebrate their importance. If your family prays before meals, the speaker can express thanks for the time you had with your sibling. You may also have a way to acknowledge family members who have passed away that is specific to your family’s culture.

5. Go to Counseling or Join a Grief Support Group

You might want to seek support outside of your family. Either counseling or a grief support group can provide tremendous help with mourning the loss of a sibling. They may offer a space where you can discuss feelings that you don’t want to share with the rest of your family. And it can be helpful to find support with someone who is outside of your immediate situation.

Regardless of how you choose to cope with the death of a sibling, give yourself the time and space you need to move through the stages of grief.