They say that if you want to know why you do something, you should just stop doing it for a certain time and watch what happens. Take notice of where your mind goes, and what thoughts come up. Doing this little behavior experiment will help you isolate the root cause of your habit, and change it. 

Question: Do you take your smartphone with you almost everywhere you go and do you sometimes use it to get out of interacting with the world around you? 

There is a good bit of modern-day research suggesting your answers are probably “yes” and “yes”.  (1) Why do we do that? Many think it’s just mild anxiety. The idea of talking to strangers makes us a little nervous, and since we have a phone now, it’s become our “go-to”, our “easy out”. During the bus ride, we check our messages. We have something to do now. But some feel this anxiety we experience isn’t natural, and that it’s even caused by the devices themselves. A modern-day chicken and egg conundrum.

We’ve Changed 

We are social creatures, we like to move in packs. We love our friends and often believe in the philosophy of “the more the merrier”. But over the last several years, as smartphones have become more a part of our daily existence, we’ve become less social in some ways. We sit on the train and look at our phones instead of talking to strangers. 

True, smartphones are a wonderful addition to our modern lives for so many reasons. But we need to start integrating them in a more intelligent way, instead of letting them rob us of our connection with others. One study suggests that the mere presence of a smartphone sitting on the table you’re at might interfere with human relationship formation. (1) That’s something to really think about.

At this point, we are clearly wise enough to see that smartphones are collectively doing some damage to connections with our fellow humans. And now that we know better, maybe we can do better. We can take back those connections, consciously, so that we can appreciate the best of both worlds. We can enjoy ready access to the Information Superhighway, and all it offers, plus a genuine feeling of care for our fellow man. An acknowledgment of our shared humanity. Purposeful eye contact, as opposed to reflexively averting our eyes.

No Big Deal

There is a lot of research around the idea that merely engaging with a stranger on a superficial level, like a friendly nod, can positively impact your mood. (2) There are even studies suggesting we should bust ourselves out of our comfort zone, whether we feel like connecting at the moment or not. University of Chicago behavioral scientist Nicholas Epley conducted a series of studies that proved train commuters had a more enjoyable commute when they struck up a friendly conversation with their seatmate… even if they had indicated a preference for reading their book. (3)

The bottom line is this: Your human connections are valuable and necessary. Don’t ignore opportunities to feel connected to others! These special moments contribute to your happiness and well-being far more than you might think. If you’ve ever wondered why you dive straight into your phone instead of saying hello to a stranger, give the “hello” a try for once. You might find it a lot more natural and comfortable than you had expected.