Self-absorbed, vain, egotistical, and conceited…there are just some of the words one might use to describe a narcissist. And rightly so, people with narcissistic traits exude this kind of behavior to everyone around them and sometimes you wonder how one could be so self-involved. Is it genetics? Is it their environment? Is it a mask to hide their insecurity?
To answer these questions, let’s dive into narcissism and understand the underlying reasons as to why narcissists present themselves as overtly superior over others and why they believe they stand on a pedestal.
According to Dr. Seth Meyers, a clinical psychologist with the L.A. County Department of Health, there’s an underlying explanation as to why narcissists express themselves a certain way. Under the surface level of what we witness, there’s a vulnerability factor that exists deep within the person. In other words, there’s a reason why narcissistic people behave the way they do and just maybe, with some insight, we can spare them the bad judgement if we can get a valid explanation for why they think and act in a condescending way.
Before we jump further into Dr. Meyers’ research, let’s cover the basis on what exactly narcissism is and what type of behavior is expressed under Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
What Exactly is Narcissism?
This probably isn’t news to you, but narcissism is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one’s own attributes. Someone with a strong sense of narcissistic attributes can be classified as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Under NPD, a person has “an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.” When they don’t receive the attention they deserve, it causes them unhappiness and disappointment.
To get a visual sense on the psychology of narcissism, this video does a great, humorous explanation of what it encompasses.
Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Here are some ways to tell if you or someone you know has NPD (extremity varies):
- Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
- Have a sense of entitlement, require constant, excessive admiration
- Exaggerated achievements and talents
- Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
- Expected special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations
- Envious of others and believe others envy them
Now that you are well aware of narcissism, let’s dive into the findings.
Dr. Seth Meyers’ Explanation of Narcissism
Consider Dr. Meyers’ explanation of narcissism as an opportunity to gain a wider perspective by looking at the behind the scenes of this type of personality and tracing the roots of it.
Firstly, the idea of narcissists seeing themselves as superior to others is greatly misunderstood. Though superiority is a definite factor of this personality, Dr. Meyers explains that the root of narcissism comes from a “strict resistance to feeling vulnerable with anyone at any time.” (1)
Think for a second about someone who refuses to look and feel weak at the presence of others. Dr. Meyers’ explanation is captured by this idea and a narcissist is afraid to show a fraction of vulnerability in fear of being taken advantage of or giving someone else power to have influence over them. As a solution to avoid the look of weakness, narcissists overcompensate by acting stronger and more powerful than they actually feel.
Dr. Meyer stresses that the vulnerability factor takes dominance over the superiority factor. If he could rename NPD, he says, “the name that I believe captures the central components best is “Vulnerability-Avoidant/Superiority-Seeking Personality Disorder.” (2)
True Narcissists Hate Therapy
This finding shows that there’s a spectrum for narcissism and people who are willing to get therapy are on the lower end of it. As he delved further into the idea of psychotherapy as a solution to narcissism, Dr. Meyers verifies that people who feel that they carry narcissistic qualities go to therapy and it’s because “someone or something has made them feel that maybe they are not so great, or maybe they need someone to prop them up so they can feel better about themselves. (3)
As for true narcissists diagnosed with NPD, therapy will not be an option because that would require a show of vulnerability and they wouldn’t want a therapist to expose or state their flaws. Dr. Meyers says, “they couldn’t manage the anxiety, sadness, and even rage that would come up if they were to expose their true selves to a therapist. Simply put, true narcissists have zero interest in introspection or self-improvement. Their guiding principle: Never, ever let your guard down.”
Conclusion
Narcissism is a complex topic but we hope Dr. Meyer’s findings sheds some light on your understanding of it. This is not to deem narcissistic behavior as acceptable but it does give a good explanation as to why narcissistic people act a certain way. Next time you notice someone behaving in a boastful manner or is highly self-absorbed, remember that they are probably that way because they’re afraid of vulnerability. That might give you some peace of mind.
If you want to read more on the topic of narcissism and how the age of smartphone and selfies relates to it, check out this article. Alternatively, you can read about the findings on narcissistic parents incapable of loving their children on here.
