Is this really the person I want to spend the rest of my life with? Is the woman my side really the one? If you’re in a long-term relationship, questions like those ones may have crossed your mind at some point over the years.
Don’t worry – it happens. There’s a reason your wedding vows mention “for better, for worse.” Those worse times will come. Thankfully, however, every day you wake up next to your significant other is another day to choose to keep on loving. But admittedly, it would be helpful to have a relationship guide sometimes.
Scientists around the world are even trying to navigate the complex nature of love and relationships. There’s actually quite a bit, with studies spanning hours and years in attempts to finding what makes two people fit together. Like a glove. For life.
We’re not saying this online relationship advice is the be all end all, but it’s a good place to start!
Relationship Guide: 12 Qualities and Behaviors Proving You Have the Best Woman in the World
This isn’t just another bunk online relationship advice article; these are science-backed reasons that can help nurture your relationship. Here we go!
1) She is smarter than you
It can be intimidating always being in the presence of someone who is smarter than you or generally knows more than you do. But finding a woman who is smarter than you also presents the opportunity to always be stimulated and keep learning. Having someone to challenge you on an intellectual level will help keep your mind sharp.
Professor Lawrence Whalley, from the University of Aberdeen, gave a speech titled Dementia: How Can We Protect Ourselves? and highlighted that smart women can protect your brain from developing dementia. “The thing a boy is never told he needs to do if he wants to live a longer life – but what he should do – is marry an intelligent woman. There is no better buffer than intelligence.”[1]
2) She believes honesty is the best policy
In the heat of the moment, we have all experienced lapses in judgement. Sometimes, those lapses result in lies or the truth being twisted. In a cross-national study of both men and women, researchers found that honesty was in the top-most valued character traits.[2] According to psychologist Nicole Else-Quest of the University of Maryland, after analyzing 300 studies, women would rather their partner be truthful and honest about their thoughts rather than beat around the bush.[3]
3) She maintains a positive mental attitude
We live in a beautiful world, but we can’t turn anything on without hearing how depraved and destructive it appears to be. That’s why having a woman who keeps a positive outlook on the world means you’ve struck gold. Someone like this will keep you grounded in an unstable world.
You can probably attest to the fact that you are who you have coffee with. In other words, if you surround yourself with a negative partner, chances are you’ll become negative, and vice versa. According to psychologists, a happy brain equals a happy life with longer lifespans than pessimists, stronger immune systems, and overall fulfilling lives.[4] If you have a happy wife, chances are you’ll have a happy life!
4) She is willing to compromise
In the words of the Rolling Stones: “You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, well, you might find, you get what you need.” It’s true – you won’t always get what you want and that’s not a bad thing. Disagreements, if handled appropriately, can embolden your relationship. It sounds cliché, but it’s takes two.
After following 172 married couple for over a decade, UCLA psychologists found that “It’s easy to be committed to your relationship when it’s going well,” said senior study author Thomas Bradbury. “As a relationship changes, however, shouldn’t you say at some point something like, ‘I’m committed to this relationship, but it’s not going very well — I need to have some resolve, make some sacrifices and take the steps I need to take to keep this relationship moving forward.”[5]
If you can do that, if you can meet your wife halfway or even the whole way, you’re golden.
5) She laughs at your jokes (even when they’re bad)
Laughter is the best medicine – even when you’re not sick. There’s something about it that just lifts spirits and lightens moods. So, if you’re a woman or have a woman that loves a good laugh, science urges you to keep it up. In a 2006 study, psychologists at Westfield State University found that having a partner who has a sense of humor and laughs at jokes is more important for men than for women.[6]
6) She is supportive of your goals and even has her own
Some scientists have spent their careers trying to prove that men would prefer marrying a ‘weaker’ woman. However, author Christine Whelan debunks this notion in her book “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women.” In it, she explores and explains how successful, educated, and high-earning women do not, in fact, marry less because they are smarter.[7]
This quality overlaps with the first one we mentioned – an independent, goal-oriented woman can help motivate her partner to set high standards for both their own well-being and the well-being of their relationship. Setting healthy standards and communicating your goals with each other will empower both parties to thrive independently and together.
7) She has a good relationship with her parents
People usually say you’ve hit the jackpot if a guy treats his parents right. Well, the same goes for women. How she engages with her parents gives a glimpse into how she will treat you in your relationship, and maybe your children.
In a 2970-person questionnaire from the University of Alberta, researchers found that both young and old people saw a clear connection between the parental relationships in their teen years and their eventual love lives.[8] However, the study’s author Matt Johnson also mentions that “understanding your contribution to the relationship with your parents would be important to recognising any tendency to replicate behaviour – positive or negative – in an intimate relationship,” author Matt Johnson writes. The only way to learn how to do better in other relationships is to be aware of those behaviour.”
8) She is kind
It sounds so simple but you would be surprised at how easy it is to become complacent in a relationship and quickly start to take advantage someone’s kindness.
Over the last four decades, psychologist John Gottman has researched married couples and come to one conclusion when it comes to the secret of love – it’s kindness. During his research, he has coined two terms that sum up married couples: masters and disasters.
Whereas disasters will end their relationship within the first six years of marriage, masters will stay together for life and have one thing in common: “They are scanning social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully.”[9]
9) She knowns how to remain calm and help calm you down
Fights will happen in every relationship and if they haven’t yet, they will. So, it’s important to be prepared. Instead of lashing out in defense, there’s a much better option… stay calm. How you choose to resolve the issue is for another article, but it starts with a cool demeanor that will not hurt either person in the relationship. There’s proof that it works, too.
In a 13-year study, researchers from the University of California Berkeley and Northwest University study 80 couples.[10] They found that, if women can calm herself down during a fight before it gets out of control and transfer those emotions to men, their relationships will actually last longer. So, to make your marriage last, don’t fight about it.
10) She is childlike, not childish
There’s a fine line between being childish and childlike, the latter being what you want! Relationships are hard and can quickly turn into something stressful instead of enjoyable. That’s why it’s so important to emphasis being playful and enjoying leisure activities – yes, even as adults. Don’t believe us?
Well, researchers from the University of Michigan conducted a long-term study of 4864 married individuals to explore the value of leisure activities (or date nights) in relationships. Interestingly, they found that couples who drank alcohol together tended to be happier.[11] Now, we’re not endorsing the consumption of alcohol to improve your marriage. However, according to the study’s author Kira Birditt, “It could be that couples that do more leisure time activities together have better marital quality.”
11) She accepts your flaws and acknowledges her own
Why is it that we so often only remember the one bad thing and not the countless good things? A relationship that consists of more criticisms than celebrations is not one to rejoice in. So, if you find yourself with a woman – or you are that woman – who accepts those flaws, hold on tight!
In fact, according to the late University of Washington psychologist Neil Jacobson, accepting each other’s flaws can actually boost your relationship’s intimacy and satisfaction.[12]
12) She does not hold grudges
If anything is going to destroy a relationship, it’s going to be unresolved conflict – and not only that. It will be a conflict that you left for so long without resolving that you won’t even remember why you’re mad. But it would be silly after so long to finally address it and so, every little thing quickly turns into a big thing that jeopardizes your relationship. This is why open lines of communication and forgiveness are so essential to a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship.
Researchers at Luther College, Duke University, and Harvard Divinity School have even proved that people with the ability to unconditionally forgive people live longer lives.[13] Because forgiveness helps form the foundation of a healthy relationship, the best thing you can do is realize that no one is perfect, including you. So, the next time conflict arises, remember the times you have received forgiveness and choose yourself to forgive.
How’s that for online relationship advice?
We hope you found this relationship guide to be very practical and something you can implement in your own life to make your own relationship even richer than it is already. Remember: if you have a woman who possesses these qualities, never let her go. Your life is richer with her. And if you’re the woman with these qualities, we’re giving you a standing ovation. Keep being an example of rich, love-centered, long-lasting relationships. We need more of those in today’s world.
