The COVID-19 pandemic has upended everyone’s lives, from changes in daily routines to increased anxiety over getting sick. Although we think of them as generally resilient and unphased by world events, children are also feeling the effects of quarantine in ways parents may not expect. Regression–moving backward in development–is a tell-tale sign that kids are struggling to deal with this pandemic. While these behaviors can be upsetting and concerning, experts say that there are things parents can do to ease stress for their little ones.

Regression During A Pandemic

Regression is a defense mechanism that reveals itself in times of stress. While it occurs in both adults and children, changing behaviors are usually very apparent in kids. Parents are also likely spending more time with their family as many businesses and public activities remain closed, giving them more opportunities to witness unusual behavior. Sally Beville Hunter, Ph.D., is a clinical assistant professor at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville. “It’s a self-protecting mechanism,” she told the New York Times regarding regression. “If kids are going to retreat back to safety, they’re going to retreat back to their parents and ask for additional comfort.” (1)

Comfort-seeking could include a variety of behaviors, depending on the age of the child. According to Dr. Laura Markham, who trained as a clinical psychologist at Columbia University, regression can manifest in many ways. Kids might be clingier than usual, perhaps competing with siblings for a spot in the parents’ arms. Whining, bursting into tears, and tantrums could increase in children over things they normally can handle. Kids may also develop fears of being alone or worrying excessively when you leave the home.

Developmental milestones and skills that kids have mastered may also regress. Paying attention when learning might become more difficult than before. Children might have trouble falling and staying asleep, with an increase in nightmares. Potty accidents are also common regressive behaviors. Since all of these skills take effort for children to master and repeat, stress can affect their ability to handle everyday tasks. (2)

How Parents Can Help

Regression is a normal part of a child’s development. When adding a pandemic into the mix, however, parenting can become difficult. Claire Lerner, a licensed clinical social worker and child development specialist, offers some advice on the do’s and don’ts when dealing with regression during the pandemic.

What Not To Do In Dealing With Regression

• Don’t shame your child. Telling them not to “act like a baby” can impact their self-esteem and lead to more negative behavior.
• Don’t bribe, reward, or punish the child to “act their age.” Remember that regressive behavior is not an intentional act on the part of the child. It’s a stress response. Demanding that the child act more independently makes them feel more insecure, increasing the regression.

What To Do In Dealing With Regression

• Acknowledge your child’s feelings and experience. Let them know that you are struggling, too, and that the pandemic can be scary. Acknowledge that change is not easy. This will help validate their feelings and let them know it’s okay to be upset.
• Be realistic with your child. Don’t set up unrealistic expectations just to reassure them. Instead, acknowledge their fears or feelings–such as missing friends and family.
• Empower your child. Helping children think of ways they can feel better will serve them later in life. Whether it’s drawing pictures, sending cards to friends, or having a virtual chat session with friends, practical suggestions will help them work through their feelings. (3)

Though the pandemic is stressful for everyone, remember that children are resilient. More than anything, providing extra love and reassurance will help parents and children get through this situation together.