Moms Are Stressed

It’s no secret that being a parent isn’t easy, and moms sometimes seem to have the hardest job. But just how tough is it? A survey from Today revealed just how stressed moms are and that for many of them, their husbands are part of the issue. (1)

In 2013, Today surveyed 7,000 mothers across the U.S. On average, moms rated their stress level an 8.5 out of 10 on the survey. (1)

That stress comes from a lot of sources, from financial anxiety to balancing work and family. And 75% of the moms reported that their biggest source of stress is the pressure they put on themselves. They said that their expectation that they should be perfect moms is more stressful than the pressure they get from other mothers. (2)

Husbands a Source of Stress

As far as marriage goes, 46% of the mothers who responded to the survey said that their husbands are a bigger source of stress than their kids. Many of the moms reported that day-to-day childcare falls mostly to them, and they worry about having enough hours in the day to get everything done. (1)

Additionally, around 75% of the mothers said that they’re responsible for most household duties and parenting. And feeling a lack of support from their partners caused major daily stress for about 20%. (1)

While it’s clear that moms need more assistance, let’s not be hasty in passing judgment on husbands and fathers. This unequal division of household labor may have a lot to do with ingrained ideas about gender roles.

Hal Runkel, a therapist from Atlanta, told Today, “Moms think, my primary job is to be a mom, so she looks to her husband to be a support.” The husband and father of two says that men may feel like they’re being benched as the support parent. When this happens, it’s less likely that they will take on the role of an equal partner. (1)

Dads Need Recognition, Too

And another survey from Today revealed that dads also feel under-supported. In 2012, Today surveyed 4,000 parents, 1,500 of whom were dads. Two-thirds of the dads said they want verbal recognition from their partner and to hear that they’re doing a good job. (1, 3)

In that same survey, half of the dads said that they were taking on an equal share of the childcare. But 75% of the moms replied that they were doing most of the parenting. (3)

Marriage Is Challenging

So perhaps the issue isn’t one parent or the other but rather a lack of communication about roles and expectations. Marriage is challenging, even without kids. So add the extra time, energy, and family dynamics that come from a few children, and things are likely to be difficult sometimes.

If you would like more support from your partner – or, on the flip side, if you’d like the opportunity to help more – try talking about it. Find some time together to discuss what you’d like your day-to-day parenting to look like, as well as your vision for your roles within your family. If your partner doesn’t know what you want, it’s difficult for them to offer it to you. 

And if you feel that this is a conversation that could use more support, don’t hesitate to try couples or family therapy. Your family structure can look like whatever you and your partner want it to be.