Most of us will encounter relationships that have a touch of poison. They are the bittersweet relationships that bring us more joy and more sorrow than ever imagined possible. I think those highs and lows get us so confused that we remain locked into them far longer than we should. However, according to Ilene Strauss Cohen Ph.D., there are things you can do to take back your personal freedom – even in the worst relationships. She advises that if we can understand the relationships we thought we’d have are going to be different than the ones we actually have, those relationships will improve. Here’s her sage advice on how letting go takes back your power. (1)

Acceptance For Letting Go

If you can accept who you are when you’re with this person, and see them the way they really are, you’ll also learn to accept things won’t always work the way you plan. You’ll see your role in the situation and can improve your relationship. You’ll also accept the person’s role in your life and feel more appreciation. (1)

Letting Go Without Worry Of Outcomes

When you stop placing expectations on others, you’ll avoid disappointment. You can’t force the outcome you want, especially when it involves someone else. If expectations aren’t met, manage your response accordingly. Eventually things will work out or naturally fizzle out so you can let go willingly. (1)

You Hold The Key For Letting Go

Only you can get out of a bad relationship. You decide what works and what doesn’t, so you have the power to let go. Likewise you can’t control others. You can take responsibility for your actions, but can’t try to change someone so their actions suit your needs. It doesn’t work. Get rid of your need to please or the need to force someone else to please you and you’ll find it liberating. You’ll no longer care about what others think of you and instead focus on who you want to be. Who you really are. (1)

Letting Go Of Mistakes

We all have the potential to say the wrong things at the most inopportune times. We misread situations or do something that just doesn’t work out as planned. Don’t dwell on it. Laugh at it and get them to laugh too. It’s done so you can’t change it and it isn’t the end of the world. You’ll be more relaxed, take yourself less seriously and enjoy life more. (1)

Letting Go Of Fear

Stop allowing fear to keep you trapped. Get out of your comfort zone so you avoid living life full of “what ifs.” Part of letting go of fear, is expressing yourself. Share what you’re actually feeling so you don’t lock up what has to be said. Communication releases emotional build-up and makes for better relationships. Why? Because you’ll feel better about yourself. (1)

It doesn’t matter if you decide to let them go, stay in the relationship but let go of the power they have over you, or they are letting go of you. Regardless of why you’re letting go, it will lead to negative emotions that can’t be ignored. Feel hurt and be sad because it’s part of grieving. It allows you to move forward. When you let go of resentment, you can forgive which is the most important step of letting go. (1)

These steps help you maintain a stronger sense of self so you can use the experience to grow. You’ll end the ‘what ifs’, stop wishing for things in the past and have a brighter future. (1)