What to Do with All of This Alone Time

With much of the world on lockdown in an attempt to limit the spread of the novel coronavirus, many people have found themselves with more alone time than they know what to do with. While it may be tempting to completely fill this period of being stuck at home with Netflix binges and scrolling through your phone, it’s actually a great opportunity to try something different: connecting with yourself. 

That might sound really cheesy. But normally, we live in a world with a “hustle” mentality, where we’re always supposed to be producing or doing something. We’re inundated with endless media, and the news never stops. But all of a sudden, we have to stay inside our home and limit contact with anyone we don’t live with. Maybe instead of being a burden, this forced slowdown could be a blessing in disguise.

There may be no one better to share his perspective on alone time than Keith LaMar, who has spent 27 years in solitary confinement. LaMar, who is on death row in an Ohio prison, shared his story with Mother Jones writer Samantha Michaels, and his insights are incredibly valuable. (1)

There are some important differences between sheltering in place and solitary confinement, like access to the phone and internet, windows, being able to go outside to exercise, possibly living with your family or roommates, and a living space larger than LaMar’s bathroom-sized cell. But he says that the two situations are similar. (1)

LaMar describes solitary confinement as “being thrown upon yourself”. In both, people have gone from living their everyday lives to having everything come to a halt. And without your normal tasks and schedule to distract you from yourself, LaMar says, “You have to learn how to deal with yourself.” (1)

Learning to Deal with Yourself

“You’re running around, just like people do in your regular life, and now all of a sudden you’re confronted with yourself, and find that in a lot of cases you haven’t really put anything into yourself to occupy yourself. Everything is outward-directed,” LaMar told Michaels. (1)

LaMar spends his alone time in ways designed to take him deeper into himself. These activities include reading, writing, practicing yoga, meditating, painting, and working out. He even became an author, writing a book called Condemned that relays his experience in the prison system. (1, 2)

Not every inmate has been able to adapt in the same way LaMar has. But he believes that everyone already has what they need inside of themselves. (1)

“I’ve watched quite a few people fall apart, lose their minds. But I went in another direction. So 27 years later I’m still sound in mind and body and spirit. I attribute that to just reading and cultivating myself,” LaMar said. “That’s the thing, when you’re thrown upon yourself, you realize you are more equipped than you realized. A lot of the system keeps us from realizing our own power. It’s a good opportunity for people to tap into that.” (1)

Sitting with Yourself in the Alone Time

My experiences have been extremely different than LaMar’s, but I can attest that his practices of confronting himself and seeking to know himself more deeply are powerful. During my twenties, I was almost frozen by self-hatred. It colored every one of my experiences and kept me from fully participating in my life.

At 25, I joined an online meditation challenge and had a revelation. During the 10-minute meditation sessions, it was as if all of the background noise in my head was turned off. I could finally hear the negative messages to myself that I played on repeat all day long. I realized that my brain was actively reinforcing hurtful messaging that I had received during childhood and carrying it through my adult life.

Sitting with myself in this way allowed me to recognize and reprogram the way I spoke to myself. And it set me on a practice of meditation and yoga that has changed my life. Now, I know that if I’m avoiding alone time, it’s because I’m avoiding something within myself. If I choose not to seek out my emotional wounds, I don’t give them a chance to heal. And those things fester and hurt my relationships and the way I feel about myself. But when I confront them, I am able to heal and move forward to live a healthier and more fulfilling life.

There’s nothing wrong with comforting yourself with Netflix or connecting with others through social media while you’re on lockdown. But try to also set aside some time and space to be alone, to process what you’re feeling, and maybe even to confront yourself, as LaMar says. It just might change your life.

Enjoy this yoga for anxiety to calm your mind and spend some time with yourself: