“They did the best they could with what they had.”
Many of us have uttered this phrase about our parents at some point in our adult lives. Possibly, once we realized the weight of some of this childhood baggage, it became more of a daily mantra than just a “thing you say sometimes”!
Joking aside, in large part it’s true. They did do the best they could, even if it wasn’t awesome by your standards. Parents have to be “on” all the time, and that’s a really tough thing to do. Can you think of a situation, or better yet, a period of time in your life when you just phoned it in? Couldn’t get your head in the game for whatever reason, so you did a mediocre job? Yes?
Well, you’re human.
So are your folks.
It’s safe to say that most any parent wants the best for their children, even if they aren’t that great of a parent. We all want the best possible outcome, even when we know we’re not doing all that awesome.
Forgiving a parent for not being perfect for you is a wonderful first step in dropping whatever baggage you’re holding. You are a full-fledged adult, and it’s your responsibility to decide who you want to be in this world. It’s time to learn to make peace with your upbringing and then decide where you’re going to re-write your stories. One beautiful thing about humans is that we’re incredibly adaptable. There is likely nothing about you that’s forever broken or stuck.
Hurt People, Hurt People
Just as there are a hundred reasons why you might have phoned it in back there when you could have done better, there are a hundred reasons your parents might have mistreated you. Their reasons are their own, just as yours are.
But honestly, they might not even know their reasons for treating you the way they did. The way we treat anyone is the result of our own personal stories: our upbringing and the things we tell ourselves as we move through life. So if your parents never took stock of their own upbringing, and the effect it had on them, you can rest assured they just passed on a lot of junk to you.
This is why it’s so important to forgive and to find some peace for yourself. You don’t want to perpetuate the hurtful stories, becoming nothing but a vessel for your parent’s anger. You don’t know where it came from or how it came about. The parent who gave it to you, might not even know. Release it, for one thing is very certain: it doesn’t belong to you.
Choose Your Own Adventure
We can use our disappointments to hone ourselves into more caring, compassionate, and supportive people, and it doesn’t have to be at the expense of our parental relationships. The trick is to undo our programming and not to pass it on in the future. So on some level, as the quality humans we strive to be, we owe it to the world to forgive our parents.
If this article is resonating with you, then you already possess a degree of awareness that your life could have had a little more love, more hugs, more “something”. You’re likely already sensing a need to let that something go.
If you grew up with a toxic parent, that’s not your fault. But, forgiveness and love for yourself is the place to start the detox process. Clear that energy and move forward bravely. You’ve earned it, kid.
