You’ve probably heard self-absorbed people described as narcissistic. The concept of narcissism originated from the story of Narcissus. Narcissus was a character from Greek mythology who was incredibly handsome. A seer warned Narcissus’ mother to never let him see his reflection. But one day, he saw himself in a pool of water and fell in love with his own reflection. He was unable to pull himself away from the pool and died of thirst and starvation. Modern-day narcissism takes its name from this story. (1)
It’s easy to label any self-involved person as narcissistic. But narcissism is actually a personality disorder that affects only one percent of the population. (2)
What Is Narcissism?
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition recorded in the DSM-5, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. People who have narcissistic personality disorder have a magnified sense of their own importance. They often believe they deserve special treatment, and they desire excessive attention and admiration from others. (3, 4)
Narcissists tend to struggle with personal problems, such as troubled relationships. There are also links between narcissistic personality disorder and high rates of drug and alcohol abuse, as well as depression and anxiety. (3)
Signs of Narcissism
If you have a close relationship with someone you think might be a narcissist, it’s important to know the signs of narcissism. This way, you can maintain healthy boundaries and make sure you’re not being exploited.
According to the DSM-5, individuals with narcissistic personality disorder display five or more of the following criteria. They will demonstrate these characteristics by early adulthood, and they will be present in all parts of their lives. (3)
- An inflated sense of self-importance
- Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- Believes that they are special and can only be understood by other special people
- Requires excessive attention and admiration
- Sense of entitlement to special treatment or immediate compliance with their expectations
- Exploits others
- Lacks empathy
- Envious of others or believes that others are envious of them
- Arrogant behavior and attitude (3)
People with narcissistic personality disorder also struggle with taking feedback or criticism. They may react with impatience or anger. They might even belittle the other person to make themselves feel better. (4)
Narcissists struggle to maintain strong relationships with others. While they pay close attention to others’ reactions when related to themselves, they lack empathy. They also have difficulty building intimacy in their relationships, which tend to be superficial. They can also be exploitative and take advantage of others for their own purposes. (5)
How Narcissists Get Away with Abusing Others
Because narcissists lack empathy, struggle with criticism, and expect compliance, they are likely to abuse people that are in close relationships with them. Narcissistic abuse often takes the form of emotional abuse. This can look like manipulation, insults, threats, and gaslighting. It can also include monitoring your whereabouts, isolating you from loved ones, cheating on you, and blaming you for their behavior. The goal of narcissistic abuse is often to make the victim feel worthless and completely dependent on the abuser. (6)
But narcissistic abuse often goes unnoticed by people outside of the relationship. How do they get away with it? Narcissists are very strategic about the way they go about abuse and exploitation. They manipulate not only their victims but also the people around them. They may even be very complimentary of their victim when in public. This makes the abuser seem like a supportive spouse or friend, making it difficult for others to catch on to the abuse. Narcissists often use emotional blackmail to make their victims feel helpless and dependent on them, making it more challenging for them to seek help. (7)
If you believe that you are in a relationship with a narcissist or if you are being abused in any way, it is important to reach out for help. Even if you have been isolated from your friends and family, reach out to them for support. It can also be helpful to go to therapy to rebuild your self-esteem and mental health after abuse. (6, 7)
Causes and Treatment
The specific cause of narcissistic personality disorder is not clear, but it is likely complex, as with other personality disorders. Factors related to environment, genetics, and neurobiology may be linked to narcissism. (4)
Psychotherapy is generally the treatment for narcissistic personality disorder. Psychotherapy is commonly known as talk therapy. It can be challenging for people with this disorder to seek treatment because they often think that nothing is wrong. If they are encouraged to seek treatment, they may perceive it as criticism and become defensive. People with narcissistic personality disorder are more likely to pursue treatment for depression, drug or alcohol abuse, or other mental health issues. (3, 4)
If you recognize the signs of narcissism in yourself, consider seeking treatment. Psychotherapy can help you live a more fulfilling life and successfully relate to others. (3)
