I first heard the term gaslighting when I watched the movie Gaslight. The old thriller features a man using psychological tricks to convince his wife she is mad. His very sinister plan turns out to involve the woman’s dead aunt, and the hubby wanting to get his hand on her lost treasure. He slowly manipulates his wife by contradicting her own reality. He lies to make it seem what she remembers is incorrect. He uses the house staff to make her feel stupid and unreasonable. He keeps her separate from society. The pure cruelty of the story shocked me, and I’ve watched the movie several times since. Now used to describe a form of similar psychological abuse, women should learn to recognize the signs so they can run away fast. (1)

Two Types Of Gaslighting

There are two types of gaslighting: (1)

1. Purposeful gaslighting: In this case, something is very wrong with this person.  They want you to feel unbalanced so they can continue to manipulate you.
2. Unconscious gaslighting: In this case, your partner is not aware of what they are doing, but it doesn’t take away from your self-doubt and unhappiness.

The key to gaslighting is constant manipulation. The more you doubt yourself, the easier it is for your partner to manipulate you. Your decisions become driven by their desires, and you lose yourself in confusion. Either way gaslighting creates a sense of mental anguish, self-doubt, and unhappiness that can lead to you coming completely undone. Even in the second example, you have to ask yourself it’s worth it. (1)

Signs Of Gaslighting

Your best defense to avoid gaslighting is to recognize the signs:

• Constantly being told you are crazy
• A feeling of confusion when around your partner
• Suddenly finding it hard to make decisions
• You apologize to people around you a lot
• You have to come up with excuses for the way your partner acts
• Feelings of doubt you are good enough for your partner because he seems to be a much better person than you
• Your relationship fails to bring you joy ( a sign to end it in any circumstance quite frankly)
• You lie to your partner all the time just to avoid arguments
• You find you are always second-guessing yourself
• Your life is wonderful, but you still aren’t happy
• You lie or withhold info from people you love such as friends and family because you’re so sick of having to explain yourself
• You know there’s something very off with your relationship, but you aren’t able to say for certain what it is
• People keep telling you you’ve changed since you met your partner
• You find you feel like a failure
• You can’t just bring up conversations with your partner, instead you have to think about them carefully to avoid confusion or conflict
• People seem to try to protect you from your partner
• You are always making excuses for your changed behavior

If you notice even a few of these signs when you start a new relationship, pay close attention to their behavior and plan to flee before you get too drawn in!