Last night I watched the classic movie “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?” Its timely message about love and racism seemed relevant to me considering all the things going on today. However, what really struck me was the notion that as we age, we lose the ability to understand the strength of love. If we’ve never known true, burning, passionate love it might move to the back of our minds as we age, but forget it? No, we don’t forget it. In fact, often we can even have overwhelming waves of memories that feel just as real and alive as they did at the time we were living it. But if we didn’t stay with that person, does that mean they weren’t our soulmate? Again I say no, and here’s why.

The Concept Of Soulmates

One thing I have found when it comes to the concept of love is that the concept of soulmates has many misgivings. For me, I don’t believe in singular soul mates now as I did when I was younger. In fact, I also don’t believe soul mates are strictly related to love affairs as such, but can come in any form of relationship that provides us with deep meaningful connections. So in other words lovers and friends, mentors, and kin can all be soulmates of a kind. And more importantly, a soulmate isn’t what completes you. (1)

In short, you are the only person in control of who you are, where you want to go, and who you would ideally like to be.

Soulmates Come And Go

I will probably get a lot of people shouting, “No, you are wrong!” here, but I believe soulmates come and go in our lives. We need different people at different stages of our lives. This is the only way soulmates can help us complete ourselves. And I also feel soulmates come in good and bad forms. They show us things we can avoid becoming, just as much as they might show us the strengths we’d like to adopt. Because sometimes we need to be shown the qualities we should cast aside. Our wilder sides. Our frivolous sides. Our unwise sides. Our impulsive sides. Our shallow sides. Our selfish sides. Our dishonest sides. Our humorless sides. Our cowardly sides. Our self-righteous sides.

Soulmates Share Ideas

In my experience soulmates are the people with whom we feel safe sharing ideas. They offer input into new concepts or beliefs we might not have considered. Soulmates point out where we might be going wrong, through lively conversations and productive debates. In meaningful conversations, we learn about our own points of view and how to express them fearlessly. We suddenly start to realize we’ve missed some important facts of life. Soulmates get us to watch new movies, read new books, and have more meaningful discussions. They take us on trips and introduce us to new foods. Soulmates represent experience. Soulmates build strength.

Throughout our lives, we might not recognize a soulmate until long after they have left our lives. But that’s okay because that’s how I think it’s supposed to be. The stronger the soul mate connection, the longer you’ll need each other, and the longer that relationship will last. If it ends, it’s because there’s someone new waiting to teach you the next lessons of life — and you will do the same for them.  So don’t get so caught up in finding a soulmate. Instead, find people who bring you joy and lose the ones who cause you pain.