Love–most of us spend large amounts of time looking for that special someone or trying to maintain the relationship once we find them. Even if romance is not on your radar, you’ll still probably have to listen to friends, family, coworkers, your hairdresser, and your dental hygenist talk about their love life. It’s exhausting. But what if it didn’t need to be? Below, we’ve compiled seven ways that will help you find that special someone.
Be Curious
Dr. Richard Schwartz is a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. His wife is also a psychiatry professor at the same school, and they’ve been together for 39 years. However, he isn’t just drawing off his own experiences when it comes to this tip. It’s backed up by science. Studies show that couples who have been married longer tend to overestimate what they know about the other person. “What keeps love alive is being able to recognize that you don’t really know your partner perfectly and still being curious,” Schwartz says. And it works both ways; you should “have enough separateness that you can be an object of curiosity for the other person.” (1)
Lower Your Expectations.
Dr, Schwartz’s wife, Dr. Jaqueline Olds, thinks that part of the problem with relationships these days is that people expect too much. She talks about a study that says while people used to have an average of three close friends, they now have two–and one of them is their partner. “There is too much pressure, from my point of view, on what a romantic partner should be,” she says. “There’s just so much pressure on the role of a spouse that of course, everybody isn’t able to quite live up to it.” (1)
Narrow Your Options
If you’re frustrated by all those Tinder conversations with people you’re not compatible with, it’s not your fault. A study from 2010 says that when people have a wider number of partners to choose from, they’ll evaluate people on things that are easy to notice, such as weight. When you have fewer “options,” you’re more likely to take your time to look beyond that, to things that may be a better measure of compatibility. So maybe it’s time to take a break from swiping and try to meet someone where you’re not competing with everyone in a 50-mile radius. (2)
Be Funny
You don’t have to be a stand-up comedian, but having a good sense of humor helps. E-Harmony, the dating site, did a study that found three of the key factors for attraction are having a good flow in conversation, putting your partner at ease, and making them laugh. So, try practicing that story about your best friend’s dog in front of the mirror a few times before you go for that date. (3)
Pick Someone Similar
The results are in, and opposites don’t attract! Studies show that long-term success is greatest between couples who approach the world in a similar way. That doesn’t mean you have to agree about pineapples on pizza or both cheer for the same Survivor contestants. Think more about things like socialization preferences, conflict resolution, values, and communication. (3)
Make Time For Each Other
According to a Clayton State University psychology professor, proximity helps. “Mere exposure to someone repeatedly increases the likelihood we will be attracted to them,” she says. So be sure to spend that quality time together and let the sparks fly. (4)
Make Bank
It’s cynical, but it’s true–money helps. All humans are “attracted to resources,” says State University of New York psychology professor, Glenn Geher. “Today, [that’s] money.” (5)
