It goes without saying that we won’t always be everyone’s “cup of tea”. Not all people will love us all the time, and that’s OK. It’s not their job to love us, it’s ours. So it’s no biggy if you don’t hit it off with this blind date, or you don’t feel a strong connection with that acquaintance. For this life to be as interesting as it is, we need many different kinds of people and the vast array of personality traits that they bring.
But certain behaviors can go beyond “quirky personality traits”. They may actually push people away, and that’s definitely not ideal. Behaviors like these can cause problems in relationships… romantic, professional, and family. They can cost opportunities at work, and friendships that seem to hold so much promise at the beginning. But when we push people away, it’s often because they’ve gotten too close to a part of us that needs healing. When we spot one of these behaviors in ourselves, we can look at it as a beautiful opportunity to love ourselves a little more. To go a little deeper, and find the root of it.
6 Of The Behaviors That Push People Away
- Neediness – A needy person is constantly leaning on others for help and attention. They may send lots of text messages throughout the day, or always need help around the house. Needy behavior flips the dynamic. It becomes a lopsided state of dependence upon people who may not want to be leaned on like that. So those people make themselves scarce.
- Playing the victim – Life isn’t fair sometimes, that really is true. But the world isn’t out to get us all the time either. People who play the victim day in and day out, make it all about themselves. They take everything personally. That kind of negativity gets really old, and it’s hard to be around after a while.
- Cheating – Cheating is just lying, plain and simple. Cutting moral corners in plain view of others is a great way to undermine trust and push people away fast. Liars and cheats are difficult to be around because when we see them do it to others, we know they’ll do it to us too. Sometimes they even ask people to keep their secrets for them. No one likes to be on the business end of a grift, or a party to lies. Cheaters can push people away in no time flat.
- Cruelty – We all know someone who loves to point the finger at others. Constantly judging everything from people’s clothing to their lifestyle, these people seem to lack empathy. Always on the offensive, their words are just mean. They have a bite to them. After a while, even those mimosas at brunch don’t counter the negative vibes this person brings to the table.
- Cynicism – A close cousin of victim-playing, cynicism just can’t ever find the sunny side of anything. Doomsday is always around the corner, and no good deed ever goes unpunished. They are certain that the glass is half empty, and if you think otherwise, you’re a fool. You’re a blind sheep, who has been duped. It’s easy to push people away with cynicism because no one likes to be talked to like that.
- Lack of emotional self-control – Behavior like this is what the acronym “TMI” (too much information) was made for! Having a bad day and unloading on a best friend from time to time… that’s what friends are for. But when drama, anger, jealousy, and those other big emotions become part of every conversation with someone, it’s a red flag. It’s a sign that they don’t have their finger on the pulse of their own emotions, and you never know what you’re going to get with them. It’s an emotional wrecking ball that will destroy whatever good thing you started building together.
So much of life is about staying in our own lane… handling our own personal growth and allowing others to do the same. No one wants to be someone who is known to push people away. By exercising a little self-awareness, we can target those behaviors that might be doing this to people, and nip them in the bud. We can heal ourselves. When this happens, we may find that opportunities begin to come up, connections with people feel strong and authentic, and that life flows a little easier. We’re no longer pushing people away, but instead we’re attracting them. This is exactly where we want to be in life: receiving the benefits of our emotional work as we participate fully in the here and now.
