As a mom of two young adult children, the terrible twos are but a distant memory. I only recall one public tantrum with my son. Right then and there I removed him from the grocery store line up. Lucky for me he never behaved like that again. In general, my daughter was more stubborn than anything. She went through a phase where the only shoes she would wear was a pair of Scooby-Doo rubber rain boots. I thought it was okay to indulge in her fashion sense. Guess what? She’s a fashion maven in her own right today, so it paid off to let her express herself. Who was I to judge what shoes were more comfortable for her?? According to Dr. Mary Wong, a Pediatrician, the terrible twos or toddlers is an actual thing. Most parents should prepare themselves for the inevitable but take comfort in knowing it’s all part of being human. (1)

Not Just Terrible 2-Year-Olds

The terrible twos is actually a longer period than a year. According to Dr. Wong, parents can expect to see a change in behavior anywhere between 18 months and 4-years. So, what causes those little devils to rear their ugly heads? (1)

“When a toddler’s desire to do something doesn’t align with her ability, frustration is often the result,” explains Dr. Wong. “To further compound things, toddlers typically don’t have the language skills to ask for help if things don’t go smoothly.” (1)

Helping Your 2-Year-Olds Cope

Since this is the case, both you and your developing little toddler need some tips to survive. Dr. Wong offers these strategies that are supportive, while nurturing your little one’s development:

• Nap Time: You know your toddler’s schedule so respect their needs and avoid planning things such as shopping around nap time. Life is hectic, yes, but this will make everyone’s life easier.
• Mealtime: Just like naps, avoid letting your child get hungry. Keep snacks and drinks at hand in case delays keep you from scheduled mealtimes.
• Address Known Triggers: Without being too cliché, if you know you are entering forbidden zones that are known to trigger unwanted behavior, talk it through. Explain you know they might want a treat at the store, but if they behave, they can look forward to a treat once they get home.
• Don’t Give In: Right from the get-go, never give in to tantrums. I tell you from experience, my son did it once, and I stopped it right there. Dr. Wong agrees. If you give in, you’re in for a few years, or even lifetime of hurt because you teach your child tantrums pay off. Keep calm and stick to your guns.  Dr. Wong does say however, when home, you can allow your child to work through their tantrum.
• Avoid Boredom: Make sure you are prepared to keep your child occupied when facing long periods of time away from home.
• Help Them Out: Don’t try to talk to your poor little red-faced toddler like an adult to teach them why their tantrums aren’t helping. They won’t understand, which is just frustrating for them. Instead, help them calm down and redirect their focus. (1)

Although you might feel alone and helpless during the worst toddler meltdowns, there’s no need to panic. “The toddler years are a time of rapid growth — physically, mentally and socially,” says Dr. Wong. If you keep this in mind and understand your child is just developing their sense of self, you can ease them into independence by helping to teach them how to do things on their own. (1)